Perfectionism kicked in. Immediately. This, upon realizing that my brother-in-law was successful at creating exactly what I asked for, a blog…for me. Who do I think I am? Why would anyone want to read what I have to say? Those questions, conveniently absent in the excitement of planning, smacked me square in the forehead at first log in. I stared at the green screen…a long time. You’d better not write anything unless it’s really good. The self-talk had begun again. You don’t have time for this. It’s a selfish waste. And don’t forget about those weirdos out there. Give absolutely no personal identifying information. Funny what we do to ourselves…how fear and paranoia can creep in and sound amazingly sensible.A month has passed since that first log-in…and prompt log OUT. Three things have brought me back. Ferocity, Faith, and Fellowship. Ferocity…what a funny-looking word for such a powerfully-projected image. The fierce urge to write has propelled me from youth. Yes, propelled. My life has a tendency to sit and wait…and wait…and wait. Yet, at times writing has been the catalyst, the spark, the necessary thrust toward forward rotation…and I am thankful.
Faith has been a crucial accelerant as well. Did I say the “F” word? In print? Mass clicking on the right corner red X is audible. (Curses! Did I just reveal that I’m a PC user and not a Mac girl, too? More exit clicking.) Faith’s biblical definition declares, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1. At this point, I can genuinely say that I am absolutely sure of what I hope for and undeniably certain of what I do not see. Nothing but peace and freedom have followed those revelations. From my humble perspective, there are three entrances to the world of faith: God by family/cultural influence, God by theological study, and God by gratitude. While a combination of the three is ideal, it is not often reality. I have most definitely gained entry as the latter. God’s presence and workings in my life are irrefutable…and I am grateful.
Finally, while fellowship is the unexpected promise and necessary fuel for any blog…it is also the hope for this one. From my friends who hold me accountable with, “What have you written lately, Jen?” to my brother-in-law’s, “It’s great therapy,” a wishful purpose for Jen Thinks In Ink is to connect, to work it out, to share…with others like you. Kudos to Sissy and Matt for emotionally and technologically advancing me to this place (I still want my supergirl blog header!). Smooches to my family who overlook the constant clicking of the keyboard to see my accompanying smile. Blessings to my courageous faith friends who know the deal…God is Real!
Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”
Won’t you meet me here again?
Jen
7 comments:
Welcome to the world of blogging. Love you pretty sister. YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON!
Love you so much.
SQZ
Ahh. I had a typo!
Jen, thanks for inviting me to your blog. Now I can have more quiet moments reading what you have to say between your official publications.
Jen, don't forget the fourth "F". Forgiveness. I forgive you for not using a Mac.
Your post reminds me of my own perfectionism. So much lately I've avoided writing, even in my private journals because I want it to be good enough. You reaffirm how silly this logic is. I have to think through writing and, when I don't write, it's like my mind is a pile of rubble. The pen is my tool to sort through that rubble so that maybe, just maybe, I can sort through all the clutter and put the pieces together.
All of your comments have propelled me again...thank you, thank you, friends!
For Alicia:
Loved the image of sorting out the rubble...if we're not careful, perfectionism leads to another "P" word, paralysis.
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